Dear Dirty America


New Report Suggests Families Have Dinner Every Other Night to Cut Costs

March 02
15:00 2012

Harold Binkler not shown, was doing an interview at the time the picture was taken

WASHINGTON — A team of expert economists hired by the White House have released a new report suggesting struggling families only have dinner every other night to cut the rapidly rising costs of living.

“It’s really the simplest solution families can take to make a real cut in their monthly expenditures,” Howard Binkler said. Binkler was the head economist on the team, and he’s gained some notoriety for his straightforward, pragmatic attitude toward fiscal awareness.

“We looked at cutting gasoline consumption, cutting down on heat in the winter, and air conditioning in the summer, but the easiest thing a family of four or more can do is give up dinner every other night. It’s really not that bad, and it makes a significant dent in your bills every month.”

The report comes at a time when gas prices are edging toward $5 per gallon in some states, 46 million Americans are on food stamps, and there is very little hope for even a slight recovery in the economy. “Look,” Binkler told a local Washington D.C. news station, “we’d say cut out fatty snacks between meals, or stop eating in restaurants, or going to the movies, or giving to charities and homeless people, but we on the committee came to our conclusion assuming families strapped for cash had already taken those first money-saving measures. If you’re still doing any of those things, for the love of God, stop it.”

Critics of the report have made a lot of noise concerning the children in these families that are suggested to give up their dinners every other night. The main argument from health advocates is that children need three healthy meals every day, and to assure a child dinner only every other night is “unethical, unfair, and brutal.”

Binkler responded to critics of the report by saying, “Three meals a day is actually a myth. The human body can survive on one hearty meal every day. We took that into account. We are not talking about prosperous times. We are are talking about the most destitute of eras. Three meals is excessive. Most children in America should feel damned lucky they get dinner at all.”

The committee’s report comes only days after news broke of a coming decline in Wall Street’s bonuses. The average cash bonus fell 14 percent, to around $121,000, because of a poor 2011. Total bonuses are expected to add up to almost $20 billion.


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