Dear Dirty America


Man Shits Pants & Sends Underwear to Obama

Man Shits Pants & Sends Underwear to Obama
December 06
23:16 2011

A man in Koreatown, Los Angeles is claiming to be behind the rapidly spreading protestation that includes willfully shitting your pants and then sending the dirty underwear to President Obama. It’s been called the Shit Your Pants & Send It to the President campaign. The action is symbolic of the phrase “I was so scared I shit my pants,” and it is in reaction to the AUMF bill passed in the Senate earlier this month.

The AUMF bill gives power to the U.S. government to detain indefinitely any American citizen without due process or trial if that citizen is suspected of being “associated” with any terrorist groups.

The man, who wished to remain anonymous, spoke out today saying, “When I heard about the renewal and expansion of that dirty bill, I was so scared I shit my pants. Then I had a bright idea. I was sitting in a Starbuck, and I was embarrassed, so I went into the bathroom, took off my soiled underwear, and sent them to Barack Obama.”

He claims he clipped a small handwritten note to the underwear explaining how frightened he was of this new power that would allow the military to arrest American citizens without their due process rights. “I thought, if I’m this scared of my government, then I bet a lot of other Americans are as well.”

The Shit Your Pants campaign is centered around tangibly showing the fear that the American public has of their elected officials. The campaign has remained underground, but hundreds of people have, apparently, sent their stinky soiled undies to the White House.

White House spokesman Jay Carney briefly alluded to the campaign in a press conference about why the president is taking a vacation while America is falling apart. He said, “…and we would like to ask the people of America to stop sending us offensive mail. We get the point. It’s too much when you do stuff like that. We get it.”

The Koreatown man says he first read about the bill on a nasty blog that offered no solutions. He couldn’t remember the name. “There was absolutely no hopefulness for this country,” he said of the blog, “and it offered no valuable solutions, only vitriol. But that’s why I liked it.”

Congress recently passed a bill that would make it mandatory for any American household to house and feed a member of congress, should the situation ever arise.

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