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Housing & Feeding A Congressman Bill Passes

December 06
05:21 2011
Dear Dirty NewswireA bill called “Housing & Feeding A Senator” passed a Senate vote 93-7 today. The bill would mandate any American household to house and feed any congressman if the situation arose.

“The bill’s not meant to be intrusive,” Lindsey Graham told his fellow Senators, “but instead it’s meant to be there in case any of us ever need it. It’s the least the American public could do, if any Senator is ever stranded somewhere while on a book tour or meeting with his constituents. He might need a hot meal or a comfortable bed to stay in for as long as he sees fit. That’s what this bill is about. Nothing more.”

The bill requires any American household to take in a member of Congress if the need should ever arise. “No American household can turn away a member of the House or Senate in a time of need. The member of Congress shall be given a hearty and healthy hot meal, a clean, comfortable bed, and be given rights to anything else desirable within that household.”

John Silvershoes, an AM radio show host, said that he’d read the entire bill, and it is “intrusive and disgusting,” and he loathed the part about being unable to stand in the way of the “said Senator” being permitted to have relations with the wife or daughters of the household. “If any of those Senate scumbags come knocking on my door looking for a hot meal and a go at my wife, I’ll aim my gun out the window and give my welcome.”

After a call from the CIA, Silvershoes later decided on his program that he’d overreacted and that if a Senator stopped at his door, he’d feed him and give him a bed.

Senator Rand Paul was one of the seven to vote against the bill. “It’s disgraceful. I don’t sleep with other people’s wives or daughters. I’m particularly concerned about the particular abuses to the Constitution, in particular the right of the American citizen’s privacy.” Paul went on to condemn the very “male-dominated” language in the bill, but also admitted he wasn’t a huge fan of women’s rights, anyway.

Senator McCain stood to rebut Paul. He creakily waddled to the podium to make his point. “You talk about the Constitution now but you don’t know how you’ll feel when you’re on the road and you’re lonely and want a home and hearth kind of place to stay. I personally get sick of hotel rooms without any character,” he said until his heart exploded out of his chest and sprayed the podium with blood and chunks of flesh and bits of bone.

Despite the shake up, the bill still passed easily and is expected to be signed by the president. John McCain will go on living without a heart. Doctors say he can sustain his way of life without it.

DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

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