Dear Dirty America

PULP WIRE

[UPDATE: Christopher Dorner’s remains were identified in the burnt out cabin, which caught fire after the Los Angeles and Riverside Police Departments shot incendiary gas canisters inside. Despite the grisly ending, actor and rapper Ice Cube is still excited to play Dorner’s role, and he’s currently going on guided meditations to help imagine the alleged cop killer’s final moments holed-up and under seize.]

LOS ANGELES – Ignoring the gun-inspired furor on Capitol Hill regarding violence in the media, Hollywood shocks once more with news that a film based on the yet-ongoing story of suspected gunman Christopher Dorner. The project, dubbed Subject: Last Resort, will be directed by George Armitage with Ice Cube confirmed to play the role of Christopher Dorner.

Armitage hasn’t directed a film since 2004, when his film The Big Bounce ended in commercial disaster. Neither the director nor any of the principle cast have commented on Last Resort, but sources close to production say the mood is upbeat.

“A story like this never happens in real life. It’s like it was made to be a motion picture: war hero becomes city cop, tries to expose the dishonesty of the system, gets crushed by it. Takes revenge. It’s incredible!” Like many participating in the film, the informant is working under a pseudonym. “Just because we can’t pass the story up doesn’t mean we won’t catch flak for it. I still have a career to think of,” he explains.

Even the film’s financing is a mystery. Production is being handled by Helter Skelter Pictures, a one-off association being funded through a Georgia-based shell corporation. However, Paramount has offered to release and distribute the film.

So far, opinions are mixed. “It’s a disgusting, shameless cash-in on a national tragedy,” writes Rotten Tomatoes super-user Charles Malmouth. “No budget, third-rate cast, fifth-rate director… it’ll be terrible.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” another user called SwanInviolate writes. “No matter how it ends, it’ll either be another Django or a Bad Lieutenant. I’m hoping for a bloodbath.”

With the police confident its dragnet has cornered Dorner in the Big Bear area of southern California, it has not publicly responded to news about the intended film. As of 2 p.m. PT, two deputies were shot and wounded at a road block, but the LAPD believe Dorner is “pinned down”.