Harry Reid Asks Me For 5 Dollars, So I Ask Him Back
|Caricature of Obama taken from the work of DonkeyHotey|
What makes these emails worse is that they always ask, rather innocently, “will you chip in $5 to help Barack Obama win?” Just five dollars. He needs it right now, or else Mitt Romney’s face will appear in your bathroom mirror at midnight.
I get one or two emails from these people every day. The latest was supposedly from Harry Reid, the senator from Nevada. I think his staff forged it. The writing style wasn’t very Reidean.
Will you chip in $5, the email asked. Well, considering their party has hundreds of millions of dollars stored up, and I have tens of thousands in student loan debt, I instead wrote a response asking Harry Reid for five bucks. I also sent him a copy of my latest article at Dear Dirty America.
It’s good to stay in contact with these people. It’s also good to watch them like you would a poisonous snake coiled on your front lawn.
Here’s my email. I’m waiting for the response, so the DSCC and I can move forward with our transaction:
Thank you, Harry Reid. I’m certain you’ve taken a lot of time out of your busy schedule to write me this email. I’m flattered and impressed. Nevada is lucky to have you.
I’ve written an article at my website called “DNC 2012: A Lot Of Bad Acting“
The article, like much of my work, has made its rounds through the Internet. Even with my successes as a writer, it’s very hard to pay the bills. In fact, I’m struggling desperately, no matter how hard I work. I’ve got a Master’s degree, but it wasn’t worth it because I can’t find a job. How can I repay my student loans, have health insurance, pay for a car and car insurance, and afford rent if I can’t find a job?
In short, Harry Reid, I’d be honored if you would chip in $5 to me. There is a small ‘donate’ button at my site, on the right hand side. You can’t miss it. It’s bright yellow. If you would click on that button, you could quickly and easily contribute $5.
Also, if you would tell your buddies about my website, and the wonderful writers I host there, I would be most grateful as we’re always looking to expand our readership. Oh yes, Harry, we’ve come a long way, but not nearly far enough.
Anyway, I’m sure you know what it’s like to be in terrible debt and suffer from being a student who’s graduated only to find there are no jobs, and no hope in the near future of a turnaround. If you send me $5, I’ll split it and send half to Barack Obama. But ONLY if he removes Jeffrey Immelt from his chair position on the Council of Jobs & Competitiveness.
Mr Immelt sent thousands of American jobs overseas, as you know, yet President Obama still selected him as the chair of a committee in charge of overseeing the creation of new jobs! I couldn’t write satire that obvious and heavy at Dear Dirty America, yet it’s a reality at the White House.
So, let’s get this ball rolling! You, Mr Reid, send me that $5, and right away. There’s no sense in taking extra time with it. Second, get Mr Obama to clean house and kick the thieves and scum out — Immelt, and thick-as-thieves-with-Goldman Sachs men Geithner and Bernanke, etc — and I’ll split that $5 and send one half President Obama’s way, in an effort to “stand with the president.”
God bless us all,
Adam Michael Luebke