Dear Dirty America


Trump’s Anti-Cruz Supporters Put Wind In My Sails

Trump’s Anti-Cruz Supporters Put Wind In My Sails
March 02
10:11 2016

Now that the deluge of Trumpsters has subsided, I feel it safe to jot down the historical, significant increase in traffic that happened to DDA within the past week. It had a lot to do with Donald Trump and his supporters, but it had more to do with Ted Cruz and the way he makes a person’s stomach sick after he waxes philosophical about taking care of business for you, me, and his Goldman Sachs executive officer wife.


credit: DonkeyHotey

I wrote a very bloggy article back in 2013 about Ted Cruz being a Goldman Sachs hack and New World Order shill. I wasn’t proud of it. I didn’t promote it. I even forgot about it.

Those baggy descriptions punctuated with ‘shill’ and ‘hack’ were meant to be that way to catch traffic like a small, but well-woven sail catches wind. And finally, after two years of waiting, the wind whipped, and the sail held, and we were cruising along the smooth waters of viral content that course through the monstrous, tiding ocean of everybody’s personal thoughts and shit that we call the world wide web.

My friend, the infamous exiled cultural philosopher Hubert Humdinger, said his favorite part of that article was this line:

His appearance is off putting. Like a man who has suffered from years of unsatisfying, agitated sleep cycles and a lack of vitamins, minerals, and fiber, Ted Cruz has been left with an elf’s face and an 8 dollar haircut he slicks back with pomade from tin cans that look like they’ve been dug out of Cold War bomb shelters (from Ted Cruz, that NWO Shill, Goldman Sachs backed Hack)

“That’s damned near slander,” I said to Humdinger. To which he responded, “Well, that’s the part I like best.”

If anybody else liked that line, I couldn’t tell because all they commented about the article on social media were lines like this: “Trump for President! Trump will fix it! Ted Cruz is a …. and a …. and if you don’t believe it you’re a ….”

I thought I made a few good points in the article. One, that Ted Cruz would be presented as the antidote to Barack Obama, just as the latter was presented as the breath of fresh air of freedom and liberty after George W Bush.

What I couldn’t have predicted was the way the Donald Trump fans took to my Cruz article. They posted it all over Facebook, they cheered it on, shared it on major Trump groups’ homepages, and slung it all over Twitter. For a few seconds, I thought maybe I’d vote for Trump myself, if all that fanfare continued.

But like all minor success in the world of plebians, fanfare dies down, and we get back to our real lives, our diminished bank accounts, and the reality that this world just wasn’t quite made for us to be rulers or strongmen. In other words, reality sets in after a viral article finally peters and sputters, and then splutters, and finally the sails droop, the water gets choppy again, and you’re left realizing that you’re as blank-faced and dumbstruck as everybody else.


Yet, this wasn’t my first viral article. My sixth viral article was my favorite. It was called, Man in Koreatown Shits Pants After Obama Signs NDAA. I thought that article would never lose its steam. In that piece, I called for people to send their soiled underwear to President Obama to show him how fearful we were of his signing a renewal of the NDAA with the power to indefinitely detain American citizens.

Roseanne Barr retweeted my article and said, rather cryptically, “Expect us.”

When? I wondered. And with whose underwear?

Hubert Humdinger had moaned back then, “Underwear is expensive and I haven’t let one slip like that for years. Even if I did, I wouldn’t send hazardous waste through the postal service!”

Yet, there were others, nameless, countless others who took up the drumbeat and pledged to send exactly one pair of soiled underwear to the White House with a note about being “terrified of a government not held accountable for extrajudicial killings and flouting the rule of law.”

Or, as most of them put it…well, I can’t put it how they put it because this is a family blog and I also don’t want to get this thing banned in North Korea, where every article I write is an instant classic.

I may have hit a few home runs in the world of Internet writing, but I refuse to strike out early because I’m stupid.

But nobody was in the mood for that kind of call to action these last few days. I couldn’t get any kind of movement kicked up, underwear or otherwise, and nobody wanted to mobilize in person. What good is a lot of traffic if it doesn’t amount to anything useful? At least I made $0.30 with my Adsense account.

But that’s it. The energy is trapped online. In electrons and photons. It moves fast but packs little punch.

[Donald Trump portrait credit thierry ehrmann; Ted Cruz caricature DonkeyHotey]

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