Dear Dirty America


Smithsonian Institute Decides to Preserve Limbaugh

August 09
22:05 2012
Dan Rudy
After months of talks, the Smithsonian Institution has finally come to an agreement with media giant Premiere Networks, which will allow America’s largest museum body to suspend conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh in pure vitriol, a preservative.  In keeping with its goal to shape the future by preserving our heritage, discovering new knowledge, and sharing our resources with the world, Smithsonian Secretary Gerald Clough hopes that the preservation of Limbaugh will benefit generations of future Americans.
“In the past fifteen years, climate change and socioeconomic shifts have led to huge transformations within the American Right.  It is nearly indistinguishable from the Republican Party of the twentieth century, of which Mr. Limbaugh is a living relic.  This project is akin to saving the California Condor; as the environment in which he belonged to disappears and the message that defines him loses relevance, Limbaugh is in danger of political extinction.  He has already made several attempts to evolve, and without success.  In the process he may also lose his original identity, that quality that made him an icon of the bygone Republican Party.”
In recent years, the conservative talk show host has suffered a variety of scandals and high-profile gaffes, costing his program sponsorship and airtime.  On his eponymous show, Rush Limbaugh expressed a muted enthusiasm for this new venture, regretting only America’s loss of his voice and the physical limitations suspension in vitriol will place upon his greatest passion, that of smoking cigars.  “But I’ll be back, friends,” he promised listeners, upbeat.  “Not just my person, but my message and world view will be preserved for posterity, to be brought back when our great land finally gets things right.  They won’t need me on display then- things will finally be the way it always ought to have been.”
Preserved in perpetuity.
Smithsonian officials at the Museum Conservation Institute (MCI) remain unclear whether resuscitation of the radio host will be possible.  However, he is to be the centerpiece for a new collection (appropriately enough, on the right or west wing of the Museum of American History) focused on the Grand Old Party.  Alongside his preserved body will be such important items as Dwight Eisenhower’s bowling ball, the pen Richard Nixon used to draft his Guaranteed American Income proposal, Dick Cheney’s original heart (preserved in its own natural vitriol), and the collected documentation of Ronald Reagan’s Tax Equity and Fiscal Responsibility Act.
Former presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, engineer of 1994’s dramatic Republican recapture of Congress, has offered himself for similar preservation by the Smithsonian; the institution has yet to comment on the offer.

[i]Visiting, not embedded.
Dan Rudy is a part-time blogger and junior ambassador within the Embassy of Heaven.  Between laying bricks at his mushroom ranch in Marion County, OR, he posts tirades on religious forum


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