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Sheriff Arpaio Endorses Perry, but Prefers Hitler

November 27
22:28 2011
Dear Dirty Newswire

The GOP is abuzz with the news that controversial sheriff and overall tough guy, Joe Arpaio, will endorse Texas Governor Rick Perry for president. Sheriff Arpaio is expected to make the endorsement this week. In the meantime, Perry and his supporters are running at a level of excitement that hasn’t been seen in that camp since Perry first announced he was running for the nomination.

Arpaio said of his man, Perry, “The guy’s got balls. More balls than any of the other candidates, Michele Bachmann included. So I will be endorsing him soon, but for the record, I would prefer a president with even bigger balls than Perry. Balls the size of Sheriff Arpaio’s,” he said, briefly dropping into the third person. “Balls the size of Hitler’s balls. But I can’t endorse Hitler, because he’s dead. And only if he shaved that goddamned mustache.”

When incredulous reporters asked Arpaio if he really meant to say those things, he said, “Well, as far as I know Hitler’s dead, but there has been compelling research that he’s still alive in Argentina somewhere selling vintage paintings. Just had to shave his mustache, and nobody recognized him.”

Very few news networks included Arpaio’s words into their broadcasts for fear of public backlash. Most of the media’s articles written on the coming Perry endorsement simply leave out any words from the good sheriff.

DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

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