Dear Dirty America


Flirting with John Edwards

May 26
00:54 2012

Dear Dirty America, here’s a bit of lighthearted news, in comparison to other news of a crashing European economy, and a soon-to-follow American one. You see, while the global bankers (they really have no allegiance to America or any other particular country) have signed us on to their trillions of dollars in toxic debt, which really isn’t our fault but we’ve got to pay it anyway, John Edwards is being tried for misusing over $1 million in campaign contributions to keep his mistress hidden from the public. He’s also fantasizing about one cute alternate juror.

It’s good to get a chuckle out of the news every now and again. And so it is:

Since the alternates were identified last Thursday, it has been impossible to ignore the dynamic between Edwards and one of the female alternates, an attractive young woman with jet-black hair, who seems to have been flirting with Edwards for days.

The juror clearly instigated the exchanges. She smiles at him. He smiles politely back at her. She giggles. He blushes.

It’s almost like Edwards has his own “Manson Family” going on. The alternate jurors have worn matching shirts the past couple days:

But on Thursday the alternates – three women and one man – caused something of a stir when they showed up in matching bright yellow shirts, hardly bothering to suppress their snickering as the judge addressed the main panel of jurors. Today they are all wearing red.

Hopefully, tomorrow, they all show up with Xs carved into their foreheads.

This John Edwards character is hard to believe. Even as he faces serious criminal charges, he’s eyeballing one of the jurors. Perhaps this female heard about the proposed Edwards photo spread intended to capture his “sexy playfulness”, as an offering to the American people for acting like an embarrassing jackass.

Also interesting is the last, defiant act of revenge from Elizabeth Edwards when she left behind a videotape memorializing all the facts about her husband’s wormy cheating scandal. It came out after she died. Her way of haunting him from beyond the grave. And really, she’s got every right. He abandoned her as she died from cancer, to schtup another woman. Sounds like Newt Gingrich, also. These are our role models. Our politicians. Our esteemed Americans.

Like Bill Clinton. Getting blowjobs beneath his desk while ordering the bombing of Iraq. How can anybody enjoy oral sex while commanding fire be rained upon a city of people, and their marketplaces, their mosques, their homes. Anyway, he did enjoy it. And America was a lot more pissed off about that blowjob than humans getting bombed.

How John Edwards even has the audacity to smile at any pretty woman these days is also baffling.

What’s true, anymore? What’s wholesome?

I don’t know, I don’t know. Say it with me. I don’t know.

See also, John Edwards’ proposed sexy photo spread

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