Dear Dirty America


Tim Tebow Commits Suicide, Apparently Depressed Over World Politics

January 11
11:30 2012
Dear Dirty Newswire

DENVER–Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was found dead late Tuesday evening in a ritzy Denver hotel room from an apparent suicide. The team and city are shocked, along with the nation’s football fans.

“It was apparently a suicide, but the details are still coming in,” a Denver County sheriff told reporters. “All we know is that a note was left at the scene, and we are working to confirm that it was written by the victim.”

Sections of the letter, allegedly written by Tebow, leaked online early Thursday morning. It contained deep remorse and depression over the politics of the world, and the upcoming confrontation between Iran and the U.S., NATO, and Israel. The authenticity of the letter’s sections online are being bickered over by sports fans everywhere. “It’s gotta be a joke, man,” one fan wrote on his Facebook page. “Tebow’s forever.”

Significant parts of the letter show a world famous NFL quarterback actively engaged in politics, and ultimately swallowed in the resulting despair. “We are headed for World War III and nobody seems to care, except about me. It’s Tebow this, Tebow that, but nobody cares about the new embargoes on Iran, or the shutting down of the Strait of Hormuz,” the letter stated. “We’re already at war with Iran.

“Eight or nine dollar gas will bankrupt what remains of the American middle class,” the letter went on to say, “and will plunge the world’s economy into an even deeper depression, if you can believe that. Sure, I’ll be OK through it all. I’ve got plenty of money, but most of you don’t, but you still don’t care about what’s coming.”

The letter, from that point on, grew even darker and more serious, and betrayed a frantic superstar needing time away from the spotlight.

“Why can’t people focus on what matters before and after the football game?” Tebow allegedly wrote. “Cheer for me for a few hours, fine, but then go home and do your country a favor. Research what’s going on in the world. Educate yourself. But I know you won’t do that, so I’m taking myself out from between you and reality. I think Jesus will understand. I hope every other sports or entertainment figure in my position does the same thing. Help make this world a better place.”

The letter ended on a very remorseful, yet thankful note to family, friends, and fans. It was signed by Tim Tebow, but authorities admitted they weren’t ready to confirm the sloppy signature as the quarterback’s.

Broncos’ Head Coach John Fox said this: “We are truly saddened by the news. We are stunned and humbled. We will use this energy to attack the Patriots on Saturday.”

Tebow was drafted in the first round by Denver in 2010. He had a five year contract with the Broncos for a base value of $11.25 million. On Jan. 8 Tebow threw a career-high 316 yards and two touchdowns against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and won in overtime 29-23. He set an NFL record for yards per completion (31.6) in a playoff game.


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