Dear Dirty America

photo by Roger Price

Forever 21 CEO Do Won Chang released a statement today that his infamous fashion store would be changing its name to Forever 42, for the sake of integrity and honesty. The new name will be applied to stores starting in the spring of next year.

“Not only does it have a good ring to it, it’s a more honest title,” he said. “Too many old bitches shop at my stores, and I’ve noticed when they come out of the dressing rooms they still look forty-two, not twenty-one.”

Chang’s statement is sure to unleash a fury of resentment from Forever 21’s shoppers, and also women around the world who try to make themselves look younger by squeezing into inappropriately-looking clothes. Chang says he loitered around a few of his stores and was appalled at how his store’s clothes didn’t actually make anybody seem like they were still twenty-one.

“It’s not a good time to be hoodwinking the masses. They are like children who can’t think for themselves. If I suggest they will be forever young, they believe it,” said Chang. “Americans are more vulnerable and gullible than ever.”

Forever 21, started in 1984, was first called Fashion 21. The retailer has been a source of controversy many times since its opening. Gwen Stefani accused the store of stealing her design, and PETA launched an offensive against the chain’s use of animal fur.

Charges of using sweatshop labor has also plagued the franchise.

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