Dear Dirty America


Vatican House Dog Chews Up Pope’s Mitre & Dies

July 30
02:32 2011
DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIREVatican officials said sometime during the week the Vatican’s favorite pet house dog got into the pope’s sacred room and chewed up the holy mitre. The loss is tremendous as this particular “hat” happened to be one of Pope Benedict’s favorite material possessions among many relics and decorations, and he was also very fond of the dog.

“We were all in tears,” one young servant boy said, “to see the holy mitre chewed up like that. It was torn to shreds, and then we saw the dog with his feet in the air.” The Vatican dog had choked on the course fabric. “His name was Zenon,” the boy said.

“If Zenon had torn up the Zucchetto instead,” another young man said, “that would have been far better than the mitre. And maybe the dog would still be alive.” The Zucchetto is also known as a ‘skullcap’.

Pope Benedict XVI nor his bishops commented on the loss. The dog’s remains were cremated and shot out of a giant cannon so as to drift over Italy.


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