Vote Bollocks or Water Buffalo: The Insane Publicity Stunts of the Scottish Election
MICHAEL J BLAIR
With the elections to the Scottish parliament getting closer, there are apparently no limits to the insanity that is political publicity stunts.
The campaigning has been lacklustre in the extreme, with the result a foregone conclusion, the emphasis has been on which party leader can make themselves look most stupid and desperate.
With the Labour party launching its election manifesto only one week before polling day, due to an utter dearth of new ideas and a desperation not to come in third place behind the Conservative party, we finally had the full line up of what exactly we will be voting for on the 5th of May.
And what a choice we have. A smorgasbord of stale ideas and rehashed half-truths. An example of why Scotland voted against independence last year!
And as most sane people won’t read a word of these comics, the leaders of the four main parties have taken to more and more ludicrous stunts to grab the voter’s attention!
Nicola Sturgeon trying to look maternal, visiting schools and nurseries to indoctrinate the children into the SNP at ever younger ages. These are the children who will, if the SNP get their way, be given a “named” person to oversee their development up to the age of eighteen. This is extremely creepy and smacks of Big Brother! Even the USSR didn’t attempt to control people to this extent!
I don’t think they have considered the type of people who might apply for the jobs of looking after a child’s welfare from birth to age eighteen. I can see the headlines in a few years…. LESSONS WILL BE LEARNED. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN etcetera etcetera.
These politicians just have no ability to see beyond the next sound bite. The sheer arrogance of these people is breathtaking!
But back at the publicity stunt front…….
As I said, all four leaders have been plumbing the depths of stupidity in a bid to look like someone for whom we may vote.
The Liberal Democrat leader, Willie Rennie, has cornered the market in inanity. Rock climbing like a drunken three-legged spider. Baking pies and sausage rolls, dressed like a master baker or a similarly sounding name. Driving go carts, pretending to be a farmer. There’s hardly a costume he hasn’t worn, except for the one which would suit him best. Yes, a clown outfit!
Ruth Davidson, the Scottish Conservative leader, has been up to almost as much “vote for me” nonsense as “Weary” Willie Rennie. There isn’t an occupation involving the public that she hasn’t tried to make people vote for her. Pie making, pint pulling in pubs, abseiling from any high place she comes across, and to top it all, she visited a farm which breeds water buffalo.
Most people and even most politicians, would be satisfied just to stand outside the pen of a gigantic bull buffalo and pat its nose. But Ms Davidson is either made of sterner stuff, or has lost the ability to see danger or sense anymore.
With all the grace of an arthritic hippocampus, she climbed upon the back of the beast and rode it bareback around the enclosure.
She had the look of someone who had suddenly woken up and thought, “What the f**k am I doing?” This was one of the most bizarre moments I have ever witnessed prior to a general election. I doubt very much if it made her more likely to get more votes, but she has entertainment value.
The labouring Labour party leader, Kezia Dugdale, has had a more low profile campaign. So low profile, no one has really paid her much attention, other than to remind her how badly she and her party are doing in the opinion polls.
The fact that she “came out” as being gay, hardly causing a ripple in the public consciousness, because no one cares what sexual orientation you are these days.
The polls predict Labour could come third behind the Conservatives in this election, when not so long ago, their votes weren’t counted, they were weighed! Due to utter complacency, they are in terminal decline. She was given the captaincy of a half-submerged steamer without a paddle!
I would mention the Green party and their leader, Patrick Harvie, but they are far too serious about life to indulge in political stunts. Being green is no laughing matter!
Back to the First Minister and crying babies. There should be an election law which stops these poor wee mites from being manhandled, or person-handled, by anyone campaigning for political office!
They are innocent and should not be used for electioneering purposes. But I suppose if they peed all over the lying greedy chancers, it would be a poetic justice!
I will vote next Thursday, because it is a democracy despite the attempts of the SNP to create a one party state. And because voting is something we have, unlike many other places.
VOTE BABIES. VOTE BUFFALO. VOTE BOLLOCICLES!
ALSO BY MJ BLAIR
Michael J Blair contributes political analysis to DDA, and he can be reached at: email@example.com. His Twitter handle is: @mmjblair