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Paul Ryan’s Alliteration Dazzling, but Possibly Confuses Political Message

Paul Ryan’s Alliteration Dazzling, but Possibly Confuses Political Message
August 13
19:36 2012

DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRENORFOLK, VA — Wisconsin congressman Paul Ryan, recently chosen by Mitt Romney as his vice presidential running mate, both confused and dazzled possible voters with his deft use of alliteration. Ryan said America is “a nation facing debt, doubt, and despair”. His heavy use of the consonant ‘d’ was a noticeable trick Ryan admits to using.But is it to his advantage? Ryan thinks so. “Alliteration has the ability to better amplify, adequately, the important aspects that a speech giver or writer is trying to convey,” he said later to a group of supporters. Major news outlets are surfing through the two bills Ryan’s passed during his nearly 13 year span in Congress, and looking for other examples of sparkling examples of alliteration.

The Romney camp was also pleasantly surprised by Ryan’s sharp literary technique, and it prompted a comment from Mitt Romney himself. “He’s a bright kid,” the Republican presidential nominee said, “and he’s got a gift with his tongue. He’s able to lyrically explain the trickier sides of issues using attractive speaking techniques.” Romney also assured voters he’d chosen the right guy for vice president. “I did not make a mistake with this guy.”

The Wisconsin congressman, whether consciously or unconsciously, effortlessly stabbed at more uses of subtle alliteration. “Regrettably, President Obama has become part of the problem.” The ‘pr’ sounds, which dominate the sentence, are not obviously placed next to each other, but they do create a certain stringing effect that is really musical to the ears of American voters.

President, dah dah dah, part, dah dah dah, problem. Dah.

As mesmerizing as the bold-faced use of alliteration is by a Republican candidate, the question remains about whether or not the technique assists with getting the GOP message across accurately to voters.

“The message was about hope and confusion, wasn’t it?” Darlene Nelsky wrote in response to an online poll questioning the efficacy of Ryan’s literary prancing. “Or maybe,” she wrote, “that wasn’t quite it. President Obama’s a double-dip douche bag. That was the gist of it, no?”

Fareed Zakariah, disgraced TV host and columnist, who was recently suspended for plagiarism, burst into the CNN newsroom and forcefully made a special report about. He said, “Is it the alliteration that America is going to remember? Or the vitriolic response to a president who, frankly, isn’t doing a terrible job? Does the alliteration help soothe the aggressive speaking tones of the Romney campaign, and make them more palatable?”

A small town school teacher in rural Wisconsin wrote on an online teaching forum that she’d be using Paul Ryan’s alliteration as a tool for teaching her youngsters. “To have an upstanding gentleman from our state on the ticket running for vice president, and using this great language, is inspiring for all of us down on the economy and our luck.” She refused to give her name because she wouldn’t be voting for Romney / Ryan, or Obama, either. “I’m ultimately throwing my chips in for Roseanne Barr and Cindy Sheehan,” she wrote, “the only two compassionate thinkers running for the office.”

Exiled cultural philosopher, Hubert Humdinger, weighed in on what he called the “as usual wackiness of any US presidential election”. He explained, “Alliteration is a technique used by poets and writers since time immemorial. There exist multiple forms of alliteration, and Mr Ryan’s uses are really the most simplified. Glottal stops can be used in alliteration. Or similar sounding consonants or vowels used within a string of words.”

Paul Ryan’s “debt, doubt, and despair” might have a pleasant ring to it, Humdinger admits, and although it was probably accidental on Ryan’s part, “it’s not a form of alliteration anybody should get giddy about. Nobody reads poetry anymore, or literature of any value, so when a Midwestern yahoo steps up to the plate and uses a literary technique in its basest form, the crowd, so to speak, goes wild.”

It is for statements like those that Humdinger was run out of America, and all his books burnt.

DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

The Dear Dirty Newswire spits out surreal news items blending truthful ideas with a satirical premise. Nobody can control the old newswire from sputtering and printing barely readable, inky pages of news. DDA’s editors and administrators never dare question what it produces. 

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