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Fat Family Says It Will Be Hard to Eat Even More than Usual on Thanksgiving

Fat Family Says It Will Be Hard to Eat Even More than Usual on Thanksgiving
November 28
03:30 2011

Dear Dirty America Holiday Newswire

For many families, the holidays are a stressful time of the year. As the nation gears up for another exhausting holiday season, one fat American family living in Texas says it will be difficult to eat even more than usual on Thanksgiving Day. “I mean, we eat a lot already, every day,” Dad says. “I wouldn’t say we’re obese, but we aren’t skinny. We’re average Americans,” he says, chuckling.

Thanksgiving Day is mainly a holiday that celebrates the landing of the roving European pirates, which we call pilgrims, who stormed the land we now call America, and eventually broke bread with those indigenous people already living there, which we call Indians.

Thanksgiving, which many call Turkey Day, is properly celebrated by eating massive quantities of food in reflection to the feast between the white settlers and the Indians. Today, multiple hormone-packed turkeys are stuffed and cooked. Starchy, genetically-modified foods are buttered and salted. Vegetables are glazed with processed oils and spices. There are various fruits, fruit sauces, and fruit salads, all sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. Pumpkin and apple pies are brought out for dessert.

Despite the challenge that lays ahead of them, the Texas family of five says they are still going to try to outdo the already outrageously large size of their everyday meals, but it will be hard. They feel it’s important to eat more on the holiday than any other day of the year, no matter how uncomfortable they feel. “It seems like every Thanksgiving Day we have to stuff ourselves more and more, or else it just doesn’t feel like a holiday meal.”

The family’s nine year old son says, “I eat so much, I usually can’t walk or stand for one hour afterward. Some nights, after dinner, I almost puke.”

“It’s going to be a challenge,” Dad says, rubbing his son’s head, “but we’re going to celebrate and do Thanksgiving justice.”

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3 Comments

  1. Joanna
    Joanna November 28, 20:00

    Our culture of consumerism breeds consumption in all areas of life. We crave for more and more, with less and less thought toward the damage we will sustain. Health is horribly unprofitable. Soft bodies, soft minds.

    Reply to this comment
    • DDA
      DDA Author November 28, 20:31

      It seems that when the consumption clearly doesn’t fulfill the deeper aspects of life that need filling, we turn to yet greater consumption. The cycle is at fever pitch. And the lie is perpetuated as globs of people are swayed every year to line up outside of stores and wait desperately for bargains on electronics and goods they don’t need. And put it on the credit card! Physical, mental, economic, intellectual health is unprofitable. It’s that maddening spiritual gulf that just won’t fill up, no matter what.

      Reply to this comment
      • Joanna
        Joanna November 29, 16:02

        We are standing on the same soapbox preaching a message that is drowned out by the rattle and hum of our lust for more! I was so distraught this Thanksgiving by the stampede of sheep desperate to shop moments after the self-same lot offered up a guise of gratitude for what they already have. We shake our heads but then when we take a moment to look within, we start to see the longing in our own hearts. All of us have the longing but choose to fill it with things that will never truly satisfy. I think it can be satisfied–we’re just seeking the wrong fill.

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