Dear Dirty America

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Donald Rumsfeld Is A Celebrity: It Doesn’t Matter if He’s Tortured Non-Celebrities

August 09
00:13 2011
It is disgusting and utterly irresponsible that Adam Michael Luebke would call Donald Rumsfeld an extreme questioner and a torturer and the fact that he included a picture of a noose is preposterous. In Luebke’s typical cynical voice he as usual damns a very highly-respected individual and political celebrity, Rumsfeld, without truly knowing anything about what he is writing.

If you must know more about Celebrity Gobbler, please read my work.

Donald Rumsfeld, former Defense Secretary and American patriot, is truly a celebrity, and for that alone he deserves only praise. Celebrity Gobbler has time and time again written about how all celebrities will enter the kingdom of Heaven, but not one non-celebrity will be saved on Judgment Day.

The logic is so simple that even non-celebrities can understand it: Jesus was a celebrity, and Jesus was sent to Earth by God. Therefore, all celebrities on Earth have been sent here by God, and like Jesus, it is to Heaven they will again return.
There is nothing Donald Rumsfeld can do to avoid going to Heaven and that includes the fact that he authorized the torturing of non-celebrities because there are very few Iraqi (or Middle Eastern) celebrities. If a country cannot churn out a decent number of celebrities, that country deserves to be invaded by one that can. This world does not need more non-celebrities.
In fact a couple of those tortured have since become celebrities because of irritating left-wing organizations that didn’t understand the celebrity / non-celebrity dynamic and splashed the faces of a couple tortured and detained prisoners all over the media.
If those tortured non-celebrities can hang onto their shred of celebrityhood until death or Judgment Day, then let it be known that Donald Rumsfeld played a key role in gaining them access to Heaven.
Lastly, if you are not a celebrity, it’s in your best interest to become a celebrity as soon as possible because the world is clearly ending. Look no further than the global financial system, the Arab Spring (a bunch of non-celebrities rising up against celebrities), the London riots, and the fact that Charles Manson received a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Last warning: if you are not a celebrity, you will not be going to Heaven when you die, or on Judgment Day, if that comes first. No exceptions!
I am Celebrity Gobbler. Adam Michael Luebke and I are friends, but we are like Ann Coulter and Bill Maher — we have come to love the other (in a very straight-laced way), but we completely disagree on what makes the world turn and who is responsible for the miseries plaguing humanity today.
He has graciously invited me to guest blog on Dear Dirty America and I was happy to accept the offer even though I disagree with 95 percent of everything he writes and believes. I told him that I am going to write only honest blogs that tell the truth about the world so he can’t say I didn’t warn him.

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