5.9 Earthquake Felt in Washington After Every Unemployed American Jumps In Unison
A 5.9 magnitude earthquake was felt in Washington D.C. Tuesday afternoon after every unemployed, jobless, frustrated American jumped in the air, in unison, at exactly 1.51pm EDT. The massively choreographed event is still being investigated, and officials are baffled at how so many millions of Americans could attempt such a harmonious act.
“If Washington could get their act together, they could also create something momentous,” exiled cultural philosopher Hubert Humdinger (pronounced hum-din-jer) said. “But I’m confused, because if every jobless American jumped and landed at 1.51pm, I would think the Richter scale would have registered far higher than it did. Maybe around 7 or 8.”
Washington officials haven’t said if they wish to pursue criminal charges against the person(s) responsible for inspiring this massive effort. “It’s illegal to create earthquakes, even in protest,” an anonymous White House insider said. “But we know people are frustrated.”