Dear Dirty America


Chaos, Mayhem, and Shopping

Chaos, Mayhem, and Shopping
May 03
17:59 2020

Perthshire, Scotland

Not long after we heard about this virus, the media went into full hysteria mode.

One might think that it was some kind of coordinated action, as they were speaking with one high pitched scream of panic.

No number was safe. Small numbers were multiplied until they were so big, they could be seen from outer space.

At this point I was still thinking that they would run out of numbers and drop back to a kind of thinking mode.

Fool that I was, to imagine this opportunity to go right into full petticoat clutching, eye bugging mania, would be passed up.

Instead, the hysteria increased out of all proportion to the problem.

I was still being calm and reassuring people that this would probably blow over as quickly as it happened, but we know now that I was sadly mistaken.

In the first wave of panic buying, which soon turned into a tsunami, people were obsessed with toilet paper.

This didn’t cause me any particular problems, but obviously it was a problem for people who couldn’t cram forty, twelve packs of Andrex into their Fiat 500.

When the shelves of supermarkets began to empty by mid morning, and gangs of frantic people were roaming  the streets of small towns, in the hope of finding just a dozen more packs of toilet paper, in some shop which hadn’t been targeted so far, I realised something had gone very wrong.

Yes, you can’t fool me.

But they didn’t stop at toilet paper. Oh no. Nothing which even looked like toilet paper was being stripped from the shelves. Nothing was safe.

Entire families were hunched over multiple trolleys jealousy guarding their goods. Daring anyone to say anything to them about their vile greed.

But I can’t really blame them, because once they got the message from the media, they lost all sense of human decency.

Fresh meat was being bought by vegans. Carnivores were buying organic pasta. It was insanity gone mad.

Vast quantities of anything were being thrown into fresh trolleys, pushed by ever smaller family members.

“Come oan Jasmine. Puul yer fuckin weight. Yer three noo”.

This madness went on for what seemed like a long time, but was probably ten days.

After a slight pause, when people must have realised that they had plenty of food for themselves, they suddenly realised that they had pets.

Then the insanity kicked off again. Pet food was removed in sweeping armfuls and cat litter was being bought by the ton.

I’m pretty sure a lot of these people will not need to buy cat litter for a few years.

But at no point did I ever see or hear of staff or more importantly, management, telling people that they couldn’t buy so much.

Why was this allowed to continue in the UK until the shelves were cleared and supplies were becoming scarce?

Was this to make us grateful for order to be restored and we would not mind queuing? It certainly seemed to work.

I remember being in the queue for the first time and people were saying, this is much better than the mayhem of the last few weeks.

Food and other goods were being rationed, but because it was calm, people were happy to have these restrictions.

Now of course, this isn’t nearly as much fun. People are beginning to resent being treated like brain dead morons in supermarkets. They get angry and frustrated with staff, when they should be angry and frustrated with politicians.

“Follow the arrows. Don’t turn left there. Sorry sir, that’s a one way aisle. You’re going the wrong way. Sir… I said you’re going the wrong..oh fuck it, who cares.”

People don’t mind if a rule makes sense, but if there are only twenty people in a massive store, one way aisles are ridiculous.

Anyway, I go my own way on most things and can’t abide being part of any kind of group or herd.

Flocks and herds are for animals, not humans, thankfully more people are realising that they can act as individuals and take charge of their own lives and make decisions responsibly

Here’s hoping the cursed house arrest is over very soon, because otherwise what is left of the economy will be unfit to be revived.

The damage caused by this unnecessary closure of UK industry will be felt for decades and leaving the country closed is no longer an option.

Michael J Blair contributes political analysis to DDA, and he can be reached at: His Twitter handle is: @mmjblair

[header photo courtesy of AugusteBlanqui; Wikimedia Commons]


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