Dear Dirty America


Mark Zuckerberg Grabs the President’s Ear, Bemoans Mass Social Media Surveillance

Mark Zuckerberg Grabs the President’s Ear, Bemoans Mass Social Media Surveillance
March 18
16:33 2014

It’s not like the president of the United States of America can simply discuss any old topic over the phone. His handlers are listening. The National Security Agency records his words. There’s no wiggle room on the White House line. Archaic communication will not cut it. The only way to get an honest answer from the president is use an encrypted messaging service, like ViaCrypt, and email it to him. But make the headline bold, so it’s obvious and the president has to open it.

So far I’ve not been successful in grabbing Obama’s ear. I’ve sent him many hard-to-miss messages through ViaCrypt, so the covert, nefarious factions of the US government can’t hold it in their sprawling data centers. INCREASE YOUR SIZE NOW I tried once as a headline. And, MORE STAMINA ON & OFF THE BASKETBALL COURT. Or, something less unusual: ISRAEL’S BOMBING PALESTINIAN CHILDREN AGAIN.

I’ve got solutions about dissolving the American surveillance society, but they have to be read in private and destroyed soon after.

Mark Zuckerberg should know this. ViaCrypt sends a one-time message that deconstructs after you’ve opened it. That’s why it’s valuable.

Mark_Zuckerberg_1984_Berlin_GraffitiThe Facebook founder called the president recently to express his concern about the Internet losing its freedom and privacy. Zuckerberg, like the rest of us, is worn thin by the endless NSA programs and documents that detail how factions of the US government are intruding into our daily online lives. But what could Obama say?

“Stop calling me, you curly-haired freak,” is what the president probably thought. “It’s Zuckerberg, line 2. It’s Zuckerberg, line 6. Over and over again. Who gave you my number, anyway? Talk to Joe Biden awhile. Or Jay Carney. He can bullshit you into the ground. Carney’s better on the phone than in person. You can’t see him twitch and get nervous when he’s lying. What can I do about rampant NSA abuses? I learned most of what I know from Greenwald’s Guardian reporting like you did.”

Of course Obama couldn’t say all that. Call a Silicon Valley billionaire a freak? Those are harsh words for an online entrepreneur.

Don’t ask, don’t tell. It’s how presidents survive in modern day America. Collect your money from Goldman Sachs, Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, and don’t challenge anything substantial. Talk about gay rights a little. Say a bad word or two about guns. Bemoan the minimum wage. Play up how much you want to alleviate the pain of deporting illegal immigrants. But don’t question the behemoth black budget institutions like the NSA and DHS, the CIA or the FBI, and don’t threaten the money flow between the Fed and Wall Street. Don’t disturb the precarious balance of knocking out seven sovereign countries in five years.

You’re a salesman, Mr President. Here’s what you’re selling. Follow the talking points, and you’ll be fine. Don’t get more involved than that.

Only the NSA truly knows what was said on the phone that day between Zuckerberg and Obama, but according to Zuck’s Facebook post, he chewed on the president’s ear about the US government being a champion of Internet freedom, not a threat to it. He delivered other cute, impassioned pleas for less NSA intrusion, without using those three letters, of course.

You can almost see Obama rolling his eyes. “Yeah, brother, in a perfect world…. Do you know what would happen if I tried to squash the NSA, or the bloated, vicious pig that the Department of Homeland Security has turned into? They’d do a JFK on me. The first official training video for any newly elected president is the Zapruder film. These are not things a president has any power over.”

What’s worse is that while Zuckerberg is trying hard to envision himself as a lion of online privacy and free expression, he’s a fraud. He called the first Facebook users to sign onto his program “dumb f*cks” when asked why people trust him, of all people, with their private information.

In July, reporting by the Washington Post showed that Facebook was a primary and willing provider of users’ information to the NSA’s PRISM program.

And Obama is just as fraudulent as he coaxes, again and again, a paranoid, fed up American public into believing the White House is taking substantial steps toward easing the massive data collection on all communication by American citizens, as well as spying on Associated Press reporters, as well as the NSA installing spyware onto millions of computers to hack into their systems for further surveillance.

Meanwhile, I’m going to continue sending the president encrypted messages. I know he’s losing sleep at night knowing the future path of America is a nightmare. I’d like to trade ideas with him. Have a serious talk. In private. Considering his obsession with Russia these days, I might try a SHIRTLESS PUTIN PICS NO CREDIT CARD NECESSARY NO HASSLE headline. Or, BIN LADEN’S BODY WASHES ASHORE KARACHI, NO SIGNS OF DECOMPOSITION!

[president on phone, from The Official White House Photostream; Zuckerberg 1984 by Victorgrigas]

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