Dear Dirty America


Amy Winehouse Hologram World Tour: A New Age of Miracles

Amy Winehouse Hologram World Tour: A New Age of Miracles
March 29
04:17 2014

When billionaires can resurrect pop stars and entertain the masses with nothing more than a highly organized light show, you know human civilization has struck a new, positive note for the future. Never be bored again!

Billionaire Alki David took note of the screaming fans who couldn’t believe their eyes when Tupac Shakur materialized on stage during Coachella two years ago, and he thought, Why can’t we bring back Amy Winehouse using the same technology? Let’s do a world tour with Amy3D, so the bad ass legendary musician can perform her greatest hits to audiences everywhere. Except while the music plays, and her voice blasts out of the speakers, it’ll be a hologram in her image that graces the stage.

Winehouse’s family supports Alki David’s interest in bringing their beloved back to life. Fans seem very excited about the idea. Yet, there should be a sense of foreboding when billionaires can bring back to life our favorite pop stars. How good is this technology, and in what other ways could it be used? And, do we really need more distraction and entertainment in this country?

Will Elvis be stretching his stubby fingers and working the kinks out of his arthritic hips so he too can wow audiences around the world? If hologram technology becomes easy and affordable enough, there’ll be no major artist left dead.

It’s like magic, really. When they bring the Ritchie Valens hologram on stage, it’s like the plane crash never happened. There really will be miracles performed in our very immediate future. When Mama Cass takes the stage and her lilting voice rolls through the auditorium, you can almost see that jumbled mess of a ham sandwich dislodged from her windpipe. Free again! Mama Cass and Ritchie Valens, one night only!

But why stop there? Why couldn’t someone like George Soros get in on the fun? Fake an alien invasion worldwide — mile long rectangular ships hovering silently over every major city on the planet. Rally the troops. Get the NATO war machine fired up. Blow the shit out of Russia and Iran while everybody is looking at the sky. Throw out national sovereignty. This is a global problem. No room to mess around. All dissidents and naysayers will be terminated by predators or UN peacekeepers with machine guns and full body armor. Elect a global president and a board of czars. Watch them orchestrate the greatest war in human history and dissolve the extraterrestrial crafts with ‘advanced weaponry’. We’ll have new heroes overnight and a new world order.

Perhaps Jesus will walk again. He’ll walk and walk and walk, from Fukushima to the port of Long Beach. Untouched by the radiation. He must be divine. The United Nations will give him a microphone to clip to his garb so he can be broadcast the world over. Is it really Jesus, or a hologram? Who can tell? It’s safer to listen to him either way.

He’ll say worship Big Business. Eradicate the Muslims. Support your leaders in Washington. Give unto your global leadership what is theirs. Let the earth rejuvenate itself by living in poverty. All people except for your elected leaders must live without electricity, air conditioning, personal transportation, and access to natural resources. Your world leaders must have a few luxuries behind their impenetrable walls because they are making tough decisions! But the rest of you are detrimental to God’s precious planet.

“Gee whiz!” you might say, “that doesn’t sound like Jesus!” But then you’ll see him, via CNN’s breaking news report, walking on water and calming storms, and you won’t be able to say anything to the contrary. “They only make Tupac and Amy Winehouse holograms, but they’d never fool us with something so important!”

Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse’s hologram will dejectedly sit around after the concert taking pills and washing them down with vodka. On her laptop, beside her, YouTube videos of her performances play on until the computer runs out of battery power.  She’ll pass out, fall into a coma, and die again. And again. Every night. But every morning, she’ll be alive, ready for a new show. All her moves perfect.

As long as the billionaires want to keep her around, anyway.

[Header photo by Rama]


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1 Comment

  1. Joanna
    Joanna March 29, 07:50

    With Facebook’s acquisition of OculusVR I imagine one day we’ll be able and eager to avoid real world encounters altogether… with ready fingers we can launch ourselves into constant escapist fantasy and fetish with no limits on consumption, no consequences of course for our virtual sin, unaware that we are being slavishly controlled by the technologies that arrest our development.

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