Dear Dirty America

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Kicking Weiner When He’s Down, or Perpetually Up

July 23
23:00 2013

I hate to kick a politician when he’s down or, for this matter, when he’s perpetually “up”. Up in the mayoral race polls. Up in the public’s image of his character. And up in another, more troubling way. Which is the case with Anthony Weiner, the former congressman, now a candidate for mayor of New York City.

When this same situation played out in 2011, I wrote about it extensively. A friend of mine at the time was jealous because Weiner hadn’t sent her any pictures, and she desperately wanted to get her hands on them. What is it about Anthony Weiner? He’s got connections. He was once a rockstar politician who eloquently shouted on the House floor. He was a liberal hero, of sorts. And my friend would have been delighted to receive lewd pictures from him.

It’s surreal watching former congressman Weiner speak at the podium with that big WEINER sign. The nation is glued to a press conference where a prominent politician has to apologize for once again exposing his genitals to young females over the Internet. While Weiner spoke, his wife Huma kept glancing at him like a puppy dog.

And then to watch him put his wife in front of the camera crews so she can say she’s sticking by him. That their marriage took a lot of work, and a LOT of therapy.

Can you imagine George Washington or Thomas Jefferson taking a fast photo of their peckers between passionate debates over how best to allow personal liberties and freedoms among the people without allowing chaos and anarchy, and sending them to some of the grimy girls in the village?

Not that our founding fathers didn’t dip into the same pool Anthony Weiner, aka Carlos Danger, surreptitiously dips into. But I’d think tweeting and sending lewd pictures would be far too risky for a politician with hopes of being the mayor of this nation’s largest, most complicated city.

Not that I much care. And why should we? Can Weiner be an effective mayor? That’s the question. Many highly regarded politicians enjoy high-class escort girls and exclusive brothels. Just ask the DC Madam. Well, you’ll have to gather her essence out of the ether because she mysteriously killed herself as her scandal started implicating prestigious government officials. Either way, government work is hard work. Hard work requires high end relief. High end relief is not always legal or pretty to think about.

But, still, Weiner, this is ridiculous. You’d think he’d learn after the first embarrassing time. The late Andrew Breitbart, creator of Big Government and co-creator of the Huffington Post, broke the Weinergate scandal in 2011, and he even hijacked the press conference before the disgraced congressman showed up to explain why he took pictures of his ding-dong to send to girls on Twitter.

Just imagine the gender roles reversed in this scandal. Imagine Diane Feinstein, that witch, sending pictures of her goods to young, muscular men on Twitter and other social media sites. Her grizzled face and hair jeering in the bathroom mirror’s reflection, as she willfully exposed her own little patch of heaven and earth.

“I’ll get you a job at Politico!” she’d text to the young buck in her sights, as soon as her nude picture was sent. “I’ll get us a private condo in Chicago so we can drink daiquiris and lick off the sugary ooze dribbling down our chins from the gourmet chocolate covered cherries we were snacking on.”

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