Dear Dirty America

Vladimir Zhirinovsky, a nationalist leader noted for his vehement statements, blamed the Americans.

“It’s not meteors falling. It’s the test of a new weapon by the Americans,” the RIA Novosti news agency quoted him as saying.

Actually, Mr Zhirinovsky, if it’s the Americans dropping a new weapon on Russia, those people would have to be linked to a much higher order than the USA. They’d have to be globalist, and in cahoots with other major world players, which means if the Americans were testing a new weapon, your government is probably in on it, too. But now we’re getting into Alex Jones territory.

This is not meant to be a hit piece on Alex Jones. He’s a fascinating character who has the vocal chords and unabashed finger pointing and bullhorning in broad daylight that some of us like to imagine the Founding Fathers had. Minus the electronic bullhorn, that lets peals of feedback rip out of it before Jones shouts: You are scum! The Federal Reserve is criminal! The New World Order will be defeated! *

Just imagine that in Russian.

But what would the motive be, for America’s covert “looks just like a meteor” bomb? Is it in retaliation for the Kremlin banning our barren or heartfelt American couples from adopting feral Russian orphans?

It’s comforting to know these theories and those who craft them come from all around the globe. Either everything is a conspiracy, or we’re simply living through God’s hellish imagination. Or both. What’s the difference, anyway?

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*Although it might not seem like it, I believe all of that.