Dear Dirty America


Subtle Satire: Brad Pitt Uses Chanel No 5 To Deliver Metaphysical Message

October 15
21:40 2012

Clearly, he’s joking. Clearly, he’s using this goofy brand of perfume to deliver to a wide audience his ideas of time and fate, destiny and the universe.

I’ve been defending Brad Pitt’s mental integrity for years. Conversations with friends and random strangers. I think Brad Pitt is actually quite smart, I’d often say. Well, I’m not backing down now.

“It’s not a journey. Every journey ends, but we go on,” Pitt solemnly says. Yes, that sounds about right. How can you kill the spirit when only physical matter can be destroyed? Life ends, but consciousness and spirit are infinite.

See also: Jack In the Box’s commercial signals end of civilization

Yes, Brad, continue. “The world turns, and we turn with it.” We’re trapped in this physical boundary, for now. But what else? “Plans disappear and dreams take over,” he says. His eyes zone out for a couple seconds. I’m certain the experts at Chanel said, Stop staring, Brad. Focus, Brad.

“But wherever I go, there you are. My luck, my fate, my fortune.” He’s talking about God! The Transcendental Attractor. God, or the Supreme Consciousness, is behind everything Brad Pitt has ever lost or gained. Beyond all tears and joy. Basically, Brad’s giving the highest praise for all things. He’s in submission.

How can he get away with this? Because the depravity among the highest ranks at Chanel just think it’s good mumbling from a famous International hero. They think their perfume is as timeless as Brad’s soliloquy. They are wrong. Brad Pitt is snowing them and giving one last attempt to assist humanity in raising its consciousness.

“Inevitable,” Brad then says. His last word before he tags on Chanel No 5. All things are inevitable. They’ve already happened. We’re only stuck in the illusion of time passing, and the future unrolling before us. We’re only given the appearance of choice and free will.

Brad Pitt’s the king of satire. He’s got his finger on the pulse. To utter cryptic messages that sound, sort of, like they’re praising a goddamned perfume company, or that they are addressed to a woman wearing the product, but instead teaching us about multiple metaphysical realities, is nothing short of genius.

And everybody was going around laughing at Pitt. Thinking he’d lost it…

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