Dear Dirty America

 

PORTLAND, OR

In an interesting bit of news, the Obama administration has finally conceded its fight against public obesity.

In light of the still-struggling economy and to allay fears of a hike in the federal gas tax, the Commodity Credit Corporation (CCC) has begun producing a heavily-subsidized line of ice cream designed to pick up our sagging American spirit.  Set to sell at $1.00 a pint in supermarkets nationwide, the new line will come in vanilla, chocolate, and a health-conscious, fat-free tutti fruitti.  The move is part of a broader strategy to curtail rising civil unrest, the cause of which might be linked to rising food prices and expected shortages.