Dear Dirty America

London is burning and everybody in the world knows it. But so what? What purpose do the London riots serve other than to assist the media in yet another huge talking point? The anarchists, looters, protesters, and hooligans storming London each night only help people exchange a lot of dollars covering the carnival chaos. It’s like a mini version of the Charles Manson trial. It sells newspapers.

hozinja

My friend Marlin (formerly Marvin) called me out of the blue tonight to say he’d flown to London to join the rioters. He was out of breath, as usual, and said he was suffering from not being able to have his constant supply of wheatgrass juice, but other than that he was “pumped” to be in London to “set the record straight against the elitists.”

Marvin’s high-pitched voice said these words, as best as I can remember:

Hola mami! Tai kwon do! I’m in London brother! I flew here to riot and so far I’ve already started a double decker bus on fire. I threw stones at police officers for shooting Mark Duggan. He’s our brother, even if we didn’t know him. Some of the rioters have turned into looters, and I don’t appreciate that since they lost the Spirit, but us true brothers know this is about Pluto in Capricorn! This is about overturning the shadowing powers that be! I’ll give my life in London!

That’s Marlin for you. Stay tuned for more, if he decides to call me again. If he survives the riots.

London police chief calls in Captain America for help