Dear Dirty America

RHaworth

It’s the Renaissance, stupid.

The economy is not what ails us today. No, what ails Americans is what Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo and their artistic spawn have wrought in the culture, starting 500 years ago. The Renaissance has dragged us all down.

Tea party queen and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is convinced that America is sinking into tyranny. Why? In a remarkable profile of the candidate appearing in the Aug. 15 issue of the New Yorker magazine, the artistic flowering of the Italian Renaissance takes a beating for having done away with the god-fearing Dark Ages.

 I once loosely predicted the War on Terror would end and a new, more nefarious enemy would emerge. Classicism. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I knew this War on Terror stuff would get old and something even more abstract would emerge.

It wasn’t a great article.

From 2010: the Best Year to Die:

Classicism is deemed a major threat to America’s national security….

The American public panics when Fox News declares Classicism is at an all-time high. The terror-alert system put in place by the Dept. of Homeland Security [and I do love the D. of Homeland Security] (on March 11, 2002) was tweaked to monitor dangerous levels of Classicism. It is elevated to a frightening “Age of Reason”. The highest the “Classicism Terror Level” had ever been before that had been “Age of Enlightenment.” And that seemed high at the time.

Obama assures Americans the White House will soon decide on a pertinent response to the elevated threat posed by Classicism.

Fox News lambasts the liberals for not taking immediate military action against Classicism. A 96% American majority agree that immediate military action must take place against the new threat.

Obama and the White House, with the help of digital technology, announce on every single television in America the decision to be taken on Classicism. 150,000 brave Marines will invade Ancient Rome.