Dear Dirty America


Ashley Olson Sports $39,000 Backpack: Lyle Shove-It Found His for Free

July 28
02:04 2011
The press is reporting something interesting about Ashley Olson, I told Lyle Shove-It. “Who the hell’s Ashley Olson?” he asked. Never mind, I shouted, but listen to this. I read to him from my digital eReader:

We already went on a tear about The Row’s crocodile skin backpack — you know, the one that rings in at $39,000 and apparently belongs in The Museum Of Overpriced Accessories as opposed to slung over our humble shoulders. previously reported that a pair of these puppies had already been pre-ordered. But by whom? And, now, an answer: behold a pic of Ashley Olsen as spotted leaving the Tribeca Hotel in Manhattan on Tuesday.

I had come to Hollywood and Selma today so I could see Lyle Shove-It (read about him here). He usually hangs around that area, until he suddenly leaves and disappears for many months and I have to drive to Oakland, CA to rescue him.

Read about Hollywood and Selma: Small protests mar upcoming Walk of Fame ceremony celebrating Charles Manson’s new star

Lyle sat beside his new shopping cart, which was half full of stuff: rotting newspapers, two pairs of rolled up socks, and a bent cardboard sign. I couldn’t see the rest of his stuff because black plastic trash bags covered the mound.

Lyle lifted a canvas bag out of his shopping cart. “Look-ee here,” he said, “I got this one for free. Smells like piss, but it didn’t cost me a dime.” He let out a series of tremendous coughs and then slumped against the wall.  


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