Dear Dirty America


Sorry for the Absence

January 10
00:42 2013
Office for Emergency Management, Office of War Information

I’ve been out flying in my spaceship and haven’t been updating Dear Dirty America with the normal daily post.

Stay on the job, you sot! I tell myself. Donald Rumsfeld doesn’t rest even one day a week, so neither should you! He’s always calculating his next destructive move on the world stage, even while he’s in church and on the toilet.

It’s never over these days. The turmoil remains, our minds are hazy. Keep mediocrity at bay! Don’t let the TV determine who you are. Pile all of your dishes into the backseat of your car and drive around the block a few times. Every turn you make, take it slow or you’ll send ceramic plates and bowls crashing into each other and metal forks, spoons, and knives rattling against each other.

Anything to shake the idea that you understand reality. Anything to break the mold. If you don’t own any dishes, then borrow somebody else’s kitchenware.

Or, better yet, ask Walmart to donate a set. It’s for charity, you might say. I’ll be back in an hour, you capitalistic pigs! I’m just trying to break through the barrier of seeming normality. Nothing is more out of context than all of your kitchen items precariously stacked on the floor and backseat of your car.

Stay on the job, folks! You determine what that means. It’s your experience that matters.

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