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New Bomb Named After Katy Perry: "Loud & Able To Destroy A Culture In 3 Minutes"

New Bomb Named After Katy Perry: "Loud & Able To Destroy A Culture In 3 Minutes"
July 17
19:40 2012

DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

Top military officials have leaked information about the newest weapon to be developed behind the Pentagon’s tightly closed doors. It’s a bomb. Less than one hundred and thirty pounds, the bomb is considered by some military officials as petite, and even cute.

katy-perry-bombHubert Humdinger, famous exiled cultural philosopher, was the man who broke the story. Humdinger has sources from high up in various top secret government institutions. “The bomb, despite it’s unassuming size, is quite a stinker. Cute as a bug’s ear,” Humdinger said, “military officials are going to name that model after Katy Perry, a famous American pop singer.”

Humdinger admitted that naming the bomb after Perry made sense. “From what my sources have described, the bomb is extremely loud, its blast has the ability to sweep across a nation within seconds, and, worst of all, it can destroy an entire culture in about three minutes and thirty seconds.”

Humdinger was not given details on what special substances the bomb is made of. He was also not aware if it would be used anytime soon. “The military has novelty bombs,” he said, “like the 44,000 pound T12. It’s just a ‘what do you have in your pants’ type of male-sizes-up-male ordeal.”

Humdinger also mentioned the small, but powerful bomb could be a new breed of technology to aid in the War Against Islam. He noted the bomb’s special ability to undermine strong, established cultures.

The ‘Katy Perry’ cost around $33 million to develop. So far, there are eleven bombs created and tested in undisclosed areas of the United States, Europe, and Japan. They’ve all been labeled a “success”, even though military officials are tight-lipped on what success, in this capacity, truly means.

No word has been issued about this bomb from the Katy Perry camp. Perry has a close relationship to the military after she made a propaganda video for the Marines from her song, “Part of Me”.

The Dear Dirty Newswire spits out surreal news items blending truthful ideas with a satirical premise. Nobody can control the old newswire from sputtering and printing barely readable, inky pages of news. DDA’s editors and administrators never dare question what it produces. 

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1 Comment

  1. Andy
    Andy July 19, 17:15

    Nice job!

    Reply to this comment

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