Dear Dirty America

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Color Icon Releases Startling Ad Depicting How Americans Really Feel

March 23
15:00 2012
DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

Credit: Dear Dirty America

Are you fed up with the sickeningly false images of beauty depicted on nearly every advertisement? In every magazine, and on every sales rack, pictures of perfect men and women with the clearest skin, the warmest eyes, and glorious, taut, sun-kissed bodies.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think these models and celebrities never felt a minute of stress in their lives. Do you ever wish an advertisement would show how you and the majority of Americans feel? Exhausted, stressed out, worried, and, let’s face it, angry about how bad the economy still is?

Apparently, makeup and beauty product brand, Color Icon, has had enough of that shallow image as well. Their startling new advertisement depicting a disheveled, psychotic looking woman with lipstick and eye shadow smeared all over her face has been spooking customers in drug stores across America.

“We were sick of all that Disney shit going on in this country,” a slightly unhinged spokesman said, after the company was pressured to explain its unorthodox move. “Folks are going insane as they lose their houses and jobs. They start doing irrational things, like smearing beauty products all over their faces and then posing in the mirror like they didn’t just do that.”

Will this be the new ‘reality’ trend for advertisers reaching out to real Americans who are struggling to survive in a very poor economy, and dealing with the stresses of living in a country rapidly becoming impoverished?

“Whatever the new reality is for advertisers in this country,” the spokesman said, “we know for sure that any step away from what is going on now is a step closer to the truth. We live in a Disney world. Everything is fake and filled with bullshit. We are a people so divorced from any shred of reality, it’s embarrassing. Yet economic suffering is coming quickly to the masses of Americans who used to be well-off.”

The spokesman, who had a very large belly, and even a larger waistband on his pants to fit around it, went on to denounce Disney again, and how, as our nation continues to falter, its citizens will be forced to deal with the uglier aspect of life, such as psychosis, mental breakdown, and despair.

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The Dear Dirty Newswire spits out surreal news items blending truthful ideas with a satirical premise. Nobody can control the old newswire fromsputtering and printing barely readable, inky pages of news. DDA’s editors and administrators never dare question what it produces. 

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