Dear Dirty America


Ronald Reagan’s Remains Stolen from Gravesite: Thunder Overhead Claims Responsibility

August 03
17:39 2011

A little known left-wing terrorist group called Thunder Overhead is taking responsibility for stealing Ronald Reagan’s remains from the eponymous presidential library in Simi Valley, California. The story surrounding the Reagan remains is still developing while conservatives nationwide gather to pray that the Gipper’s body is safely returned.

 The nation took a blow to its already low morale Wednesday morning when the late great 40th president’s tomb was discovered to have been destroyed and the casket opened. “We can’t believe this happened on the day our family came to see America’s memorial to its greatest president. My boys are shocked, and my husband is crying. I haven’t seen him cry for years,” a conservative woman from Kentucky said. Her voice wavered and she was on the verge of tears. “We haven’t been this disturbed since our vacation to Hollywood last year.”
Thunder Overhead is rumored to have said the primary reason for stealing Pres Reagan’s remains was to prevent the burial site from becoming a shrine for neo-conservatives and fascists. 
A letter believed to have been written by the group gives explanation: “The RR memorial in Simi Valley could very easily become a mecca-esque location for the influx of right-wing extremist Americans who support the corrupt practices of Wall Street and the mega banks that continuously destroy what is left of the American middle class. Reagan stood for all of that with his policies of deregulation and anti-tax stance.”
The letter mentioned the recent debt deal between Pres Obama and Congress and said this was retribution for no tax increases on the wealthy. The letter also called Reagan an increasingly popular saint for the ignorant and misguided.
The Reagan Presidential Library staff noticed the late president’s concrete memorial and grave site had been disturbed and, upon closer inspection, realized they were looking at a serious crime. “We thought at first it was the work of vandals,” he said, his hands trembling, “because they obliterated the beautiful concrete memorial that houses the president’s body, but then we saw the casket. We realized the president’s body was gone.”
The group, Thunder Overhead, has claimed to be an up-and-coming “severe-left-wing force”, and in a letter sent to Simi Valley’s Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, the group said the theft of one of America’s most legendarily bad presidents will be the first of many stunts to come. The “stunts”, or “terrorist activity” as Homeland Security has labeled them, will be used to bring worldwide attention to the severe left-wing agenda of Thunder Overhead.
The group still has no official website and is rumored to be avoiding going online in order to maintain a higher level of obscurity.

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  1. Anonymous
    Anonymous August 04, 18:45


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