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NFL Fans Are a Bunch of Jugheads with Beer & Sausage for Brains

August 23
00:24 2011
It seems all of that pent up frustration by fans over the possible lockout was on display in multiple football stadiums showcasing the NFL’s first preseason games. The Huffington Post reports:

Several incidents of fan-on-fan violence that occurred over the weekend’s NFL preseason games have prompted the mayors of San Francisco and Oakland to take action.
During the 49ers-Raiders game alone, there was a beating in a restroom, a huge brawl in the stands andtwo fans were shot in the parking lot of Candlestick Park after the exhibition was over.

NFL fans do not deserve a football season. They are mostly jugheads with beer and sausage for brains. The ones that don’t fight are just as ridiculous as the ones that do. Richard Nixon loved football, and so did Hunter S Thompson, but that doesn’t make it a worthwhile sport. Neither did those men have simmering beer sausage for brains.

There is no time this year for football. Watching the NFL’s games is as ethereal as watching the Kim Kardashian Fairy Tale wedding.

The United States of America has been hijacked by Wall Street and unlimited corporate campaign contributions. The real unemployment rate is around 16 percent, and hanging over America like the goddamned Mothman. And people still have time to drive to a football game and eat shitty greasy fatty overly-processed food, wash it down with beer, and scream for their team like it makes a good goddamned difference in a world where an estimated 400,000 Somalian children are currently starving.

You don’t think it’s OK to escape from the treacherous ‘real world’ every now and again? they ask. But the NFL is not a much-needed escape from unemployment, talk of war, high gas prices, terrorism, and Washington corruption. This is constant escapism. The NFL draft, the NFL preseason, and then the season, and the playoffs. And the statistics. Always keeping track of that. And the college players priming the pump for the professional league. This is meta-escapism. This is escape from a society already immersed in escapism. And the NFL is only one deadbeat sport out of a dozen others that must urgently be followed.

The 49ers and the Oakland Raiders. What a bunch of pussies. They have big muscles; some of them might have huge dicks, but they aren’t real men, and their fans have bottom-of-the-barrel sperm counts which make them act like brutal ninny imbeciles fighting in delusional trenches to desperately defend their designated team. As if it’s their actual win or loss. As if it actually means anything at all.

Well, it doesn’t. Let the football fans fight to their deaths and watch our nation’s collective IQ rise: up and up and up. Let the jugheads get rid of themselves.

Celebrity Gobbler refutes my argument

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5 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    Anonymous August 23, 00:40

    This is hate speech. Don’t hate what you don’t understand.

    Reply to this comment
  2. Anonymous
    Anonymous August 23, 00:59

    Bread and circuses.

    Reply to this comment
  3. Anonymous
    Anonymous August 24, 16:52

    So you’re a Detroit Lions fan as well?

    Reply to this comment
  4. Anonymous
    Anonymous August 24, 17:07

    Bunch of retards can’t get a rise out of the women they are with so they pick fights

    Reply to this comment
  5. Anonymous
    Anonymous August 25, 05:32

    You went from talking about how football sucks and is full of meatheads (a statement with which I totally agree) to talking about how bad off the world is. Not sure I follow your logic…

    You know why the world is so fucked? Overpopulation. End. Of. Story. It has nothing to do with meatheads playing football.

    Reply to this comment

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