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Peter King: Boogieman & His Recruits A Major Danger to America

July 28
05:24 2011
DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

Rep Peter King (R-NY) and his Homeland Security commission held a highly publicized meeting Wednesday and highlighted frightening new evidence that the long-feared boogieman is actually part of a much larger network and he’s now recruiting other potential boogiemen to assist in his centuries-long reign of terror.

 “The boogieman will sometimes scratch at your window, and other times he’ll show up in a swirl of green fog,” King read from his official statement, “and sometimes he hides beneath your bed, and other times he is found in the closet. It is even said the boogieman can give someone a wart just by touching them.”

The commission silently listened as the mood quickly became serious. King continued, “And now we have evidence,” he said, lifting a bound stack of paper, “that the boogieman is recruiting young American males in quiet American communities, communities just like yours.”

The congressman from Minnesota cleared his throat and asked if maybe the committee should tone down the rhetoric, but King, as head of the commission, threw out the Minnesota representative. “I don’t need you in my hearing!” King shouted in his raspy voice. “I don’t need you in my hearing!”

After the hubbub calmed and the Minnesota rep was gone, the New York congressman continued. “It wasn’t so bad when there was just one boogieman to track, he wasn’t such a threat, but now there’s recruits, and we’ve lost track of them.”

King continued, “Plus, we could easily identify the boogieman. He could only be in one place at one time, and he had distinct features. Sometimes the boogieman appears with a sack on his back. He’s been known to wear a black coat with a black hat that hides his face from view. Sometimes he’s a hairy, dark, ghost-like creature. The point here is that we used to be able to identify him. But his recruits look like anybody else on the streets.”

The major news networks have been debating the seriousness of this new possible threat from the boogieman’s unknown followers.

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