Dear Dirty America

When Michael Moore calls for blood, you know it’s serious.

Despite every soft liberal Democrat cell in Moore’s body, he is calling for the death penalty for any and all General Motor executives who turned a blind eye to recalling an obviously faulty line of cars, like the Chevy Cobalt, because the costs outweighed the lawsuits from grieving families who lost their loved ones due to the vehicles’ mechanical failure.

None of this should surprise us. From our very own General Motors letting us buy unsafe cars to General Electric shipping jobs overseas and still having their CEO handpicked by Barack Obama to be on his jobs committee, it’s no wonder America has become entrenched in one of its most cynically dark periods ever.

GM CEO Mary Barra says there will be an investigation to get to the bottom of why her company put off a recall for so long, but I think most Americans know why without an investigation. Changing protocol over a few deaths just doesn’t make good financial sense. I know I’ve personally struggled with the company over their dangerous electric steering in the Buick LaCrosse. Despite local mechanics and car magazine reviews saying there’s a definite drifting problem with the LaCrosse steering mechanism, General Motors refuses to acknowledge it.

I’m sure everybody is recalling the Fight Club scene where Ed Norton breaks down in simple terms the logical thinking of sub-human scum who work for behemoth corporations like GM and GE:

As the CEO of GM squirms about before Congress and puts on a sorrowful face (and she probably really is sorry because she is the one who is openly speaking about over a decade of malfeasance by GM), American families who lost loved ones because of faulty manufacturing want to see justice served. The pain and rage must be unbearable. To think their family member lost his or her life because General Motors’ algorithm showed the levels of danger and consequential death was cheaper than a recall.

The CIA could actually be useful for once. If they continuously want to draw blood through their deadbeat, medieval torture tactics, why not try them right here at home, for a limited time only, on General Motors executives. If it goes well, we can move on to Goldman Sachs executives. I’d be in favor of that rather than fruitlessly harassing Muslims and farmers in Afghanistan who were snatched from their homes in the middle of the night to be violently interrogated at Guantanamo Bay or another black prison site Americans haven’t heard of.

Why not rustle up the criminals within our own borders. Just because they wear suits and ties doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous and criminal.

Mary Barra probably doesn’t need to be waterboarded. She seems partially good in this whole situation. We can work with her, I think, although I might be naive. Some of these people are so Machiavellian that my dull hillbilly sense of danger goes undisturbed.

But the CEO before her, and anybody else involved in this scandal, as Michael Moore would agree, need to be brought to justice. We need to shake the truth out of their greedy little clotted hearts, made fat from the generous taxpayer bailout, when America hesitantly believed in its motor car company.

If you think that sounds harsh, check the list of GM recalls over the past couple of months. Recalls that should have been made long ago, before anybody died. Misleading the public on the safety of their cars undermines our national security and our trust in our golden American good old boy companies.

The list (compiled by Heidi Moore):

1.6m Chevy Cobalts had faulty ignition switches that would turn off the car’s engine if bumped by the driver’s knee and which may have caused 12 deaths.

1.3m Chevy Traverses with faulty airbags.

Another 700,000 cars – ranging from Chevy Silverados to GMC Sierras and Yukons – had loose transmission lines that could cause fires.

A batch of Chevy Cruzes had a problem in which the front wheels might lose power, even though the engine would keep going.

Over 300,000 GMC Savana and Chevy Express vans were recalled by the National Highway Safety Traffic Administration over other airbag problems. (GM built those vans between 2009 and 2014, the same years the company was creating a victorious comeback narrative around its bankruptcy.)

Just yesterday, the company issued a wider recall of 1.3m Chevy, Saturn and Pontiac cars for power steering issues.

We’d need the CIA to interrogate them on live television. This would restore a modicum of sincerity to the American public. Something for the average man to hang his hat on. “See, we aren’t completely under the thumb of mega corporations in this country. We’ll give them hell too, sometimes,” you can hear people saying.

It has to be on live TV. Nothing secret. Not anymore. The truth is out, anyway. The CIA are thugs. General Motors executives are greedy automotive terrorists who see only a few deaths as far less expensive than fixing the problem with their cars.

Of course that’s too simplistic of a worldview, however, the loads of details and complexity is what helps these criminals scurry through the legal system and obfuscate the true threat to the general public. We might need swift, simple justice to restore dignity to American corporations, and return hope back to common Americans that their government actually cares, and will look out for their general well being.

If millions of Americans go to the extreme and call for the death penalty for all involved in this General Motors scandal, perhaps just a few low level executives will actually go to jail for a few years.

[2005 Chevy Cobalt, photo by Ramphex — before the vehicle shuts off and slams into a tree, and the airbags fail to deploy and somebody loses their daughter, but it’s not traumatic enough financially for General Motors to do a recall.]