Dear Dirty America

PULP WIRE

If you’re a driver in Los Angeles who likes to push the yellow light and sometimes blow the red, you might end up with a mysteriously blown out tire. That’s because one man has taken it upon himself to strike fear in the hearts of all “red light runners” in his city. He’s been called Mr. Kim, but little else has been confirmed.

He’s also been called everything from a vigilant citizen, to a vigilante, to a domestic terrorist, but one thing is for certain, the city of Los Angeles is talking more about the dangers of reckless driving than ever before. Not sinceChristopher Dorner’s renegade call for justice has the City of Angels been so intrigued by one man’s quest.

As much as some people want to see irresponsible drivers punished, most are reluctant to take matters into their own hands like the LAPD’s suspect. His tactic?

According to multiple sources, all of questionable integrity, the man known as Mr. Kim covertly sets up next to an intersection, just as the sun is going down, and waits for a vehicle to run a red light. He then fires a single shot from a small caliber pistol into the rear tire and watches the car swerve and the driver pull over the automobile to check what has happened.

“Most people don’t know that their tire’s been shot out,” said an LAPD spokesman, who apologized to reporters for profusely sweating, saying he was coming down with the flu and had hardly a wink of sleep the night before. “Most folks think they simply blew a tire.”

Mr. Kim has not physically harmed anyone, but seems satisfied once he’s shot out a tire. It is believed that his motive stems from the loss of his mother in a car accident that involved the other driver running a red light. Mr. Kim also believes the LAPD look the other way when it comes to drivers pushing red lights. Which is why he believes he’s needed, and is doing what he’s doing.

One local blogger has claimed in a recent post that he’d not only witnessed Mr. Kim’s first red light victim, but might have been the actual catalyst for this criminal vigilante justice spree. The blogger, who is mostly known for hyperbole and unnecessary verbal provocation, described Kim as “strange, questionable”, but overall with a “worthy goal”.

Under strong recommendation from the LAPD, this publication will not name the blogger to avoid further inflaming of the debate with embellished reports.

The blogger was questioned by police officers, who later deemed him not a threat, but just an innocent observer who got a little too close to the action. He did not know Mr. Kim’s whereabouts, despite some of the information in his blog post that lead police to believe he did.

“Our officers are currently putting in extra time to bring this fellow to justice,” the spokesman assured reporters. “In the meantime, we urge drivers to take extra precaution on the roadways, and, of course, avoid running red lights.”

The LAPD has refused The Pulp and other news organizations information on how many drivers have been affected by this man, but inside sources say around twelve to fifteen, and counting.