Dear Dirty America

Dear Jesus, first the economy and now this:

Historically, gonorrhea was an easily treatable STD, responding to a number of antibiotics, including sulfonilamides, penicillin, tetracycline, and ciprofloxacin. However, the last resort drug cephalosporin has also become largely ineffective, according to the WHO, which means that we’re about out of options. Antibiotic-resistant cases of gonorrhea have shown up in Australia, France, Japan, Norway, Sweden, the United Kingdom. Resistant bugs have not been seen in the U.S., but how long it will stay this way is anyone’s guess.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this newly upgraded gonorrhea “superbug” wasn’t unleashed by al-Qaeda. It’s anybody’s guess why they didn’t release it here in the US first, because we are freer here than in Australia, France, Japan, or any of the other countries where people are suffering from this stubborn STD.

Maybe the terrorists wanted to give the Americans extra time to fear for their lives. Release this “superbug” strain, blame it on the overuse of antibiotics, and let people die slowly. I know a lot of people who are going to have to factor this information into their weekend routines.

No more barebacking, for one thing. It used to be relatively simple. Go to the club, flirt with the sexiest guy or girl you could find (who was in your league, of course), and smooth talk that person into hooking up with you for the night.

The odds were that even if you indulged in the riskiest behavior — unprotected sex — you would come out all right. The chances of getting HIV or Herpes was there, but those are only two types of incurable infections out of a lot more that are curable. Chances are, if you got one, it would go away. But now incurable gonorrhea. What a deplorable world. You can’t bet on still having your job next month, and now there’s one more incurable STD to fret over.

Gonorrhea is nasty stuff. It “infects the urethra, cervix, and rectum, and can cause infertility in both sexes. It also causes ectopic pregnancy, premature deliveries, miscarriage and still births, and eye infections leading to blindness in babies” (source).

The government can take our liberties and freedoms. They can take our money and spend it on multiple invasions overseas. They can use it to militarize our police forces that then beat us when we try to protest against the mega banks that have stripped us of our pensions and homes. They can indefinitely detain us if they think we’re having thoughts about terror or terrorists.

But don’t touch our food, our liquor, and our sex. That’s all we have left, other than the Internet. With the last remaining taxpayer funds, there should be a massive push in research to eliminate all sexually transmitted diseases so we can live out our final decades in this empire eating cheap, nutritionless food, getting drunk and high, and fucking without having to let the uncertainty of incurable disease disrupt our bliss.

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