Dear Dirty America

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UNKNOWN, GLOBAL — The highly secretive Bilderberg meetings have received widespread press in the past few years, despite their efforts in keeping behind alternative media’s watchful gaze. Because they can’t keep it off the radar anymore, Bilderberg leaked they will be allowing one blogger into their 2012 meeting to report the committee’s discussions to the world, and prove to regular citizens that elites are not “water rats.”

The official rules to enter the Bilderberg Blogging Contest can be found below.

Radio show hosts, alternative news sites, writers, and private researchers have struggled for years to get a lists of attendees, meeting notes, and a sense of what is actually being discussed by the world’s top leaders, shut away from the general public. The effort has largely paid off, as information about Bilderberg abounds online. Except that information is generally seen in a negative way. And that’s something the committee would like to end.

Since 2009, Bilderberg has officially given sparse details about their latest meetings, and also revealed bullet points from their very first meeting in 1954, to 2011’s conference in Switzerland, but that hasn’t assuaged the truth seekers and conspiracy websites.

Steering committee chairman, Henri de Castries, spoke out on the matter. “We’re not up to anything nefarious or crooked. A lot of people have said nasty things. They refer to us as slimy, corrupt rodents. We’ve been called water rats many times. We’re not mean people. We have your best interests at heart. We deal with poverty, the global economic crisis, and safety for the West. Our meetings are very important, private discussions about the environmental, industrial, and educational statuses of the countries in the global world. In our conference sit a few of the leading citizens from Europe and North America.”

To prove there is nothing earth-shattering or conspiratorial going on, Castries admitted Bilderberg would let one blogger behind the almost impenetrable doors of the upcoming 2012 meeting (location not officially announced, but revealed to be in Chantilly, Virginia, May 31-June 3). That fortunate blogger will sit with powerful minds like Eric Schmidt, Bill Gates, Ben Bernanke, David Frum Frum, and William F Buckley Jr.

Credit: Shepherd Johnson

Castries stumbled over the word ‘blogger’, but maintained that Bilderberg’s steering committee would be carefully selecting one based on the same rigorous standings of quality used in selecting the other participants. “We ask that bloggers interested in attending our conference write a sharp one page essay on why the world’s elites are not water rats, but instead very important people who deserve to shape public policy away from the attentions of the general public.”

Prominent bloggers, new bloggers, famous or controversial ones will all have a chance. “We’re going to give it a cold hard calculation and decide upon the most suited bluh-bluh-blogger to document our innocent, yet highly motivating existence,” Castries said. “But we do want someone that the public will trust, so we can put these bad rumors about world dominance to rest.”

Unlike most contests, there is no place for bloggers to officially submit their essays. Bilderberg has the technology, Castries assured potential contest participants, to easily find their blog posts about the conference. “We can sweep the entire Internet in about thirty-five minutes with our systems, so don’t worry,” he said. “Just make sure you use the proper title.”

Bilderberg’s Blogging Contest Official Rules:

1) Essay must not be more than one single-spaced Word document page. 2) Essay must answer question, “Why are the world’s elites not water rats, but instead important people who deserve to make public policy that affects the world’s peoples, without the peoples knowing it?” 3) No defamatory language. Bilderberg is official and formal, so please reflect that respect and honor in your essay. 4) Bloggers must quote at least two (2) lines from Bilderberg’s official website, found here. 5) Blog post must be titled, “Bilderberg Elites: Water Rats or Very Important Leading Citizens?” 6) Good luck!

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