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Department of Homeland Security Plans Shocking New Ad Campaign

February 28
15:30 2012
DEAR DIRTY NEWSWIRE

Homeland Security’s New Ad Prototype

Representative Peter King, chairman of the Department of Homeland Security committee, spoke about the new shocking ad campaign planned to be unleashed nationwide by the DHS. “I don’t think Americans quite understand the danger, or the fear they should be experiencing,” he told reporters. “It’s big stuff. You can’t trust anyone. Report suspicious activity everywhere. Even if it’s your neighbor or your grandma. Anybody can be a terrorist.”

King’s comments were mostly met with warm nods from Capitol Hill as congress approved the sensational new ad campaign. “We’re trying to get people in the proper mindset when it comes to terrorism, and we’re trying to keep them there.”

Rep King took a moment to repeat the new Homeland Security terror slogan, and then he explained it. “Most people think if they get hit by a terrorist, they’ll evaporate, like that’s the end of story. No way. Dying in a terror attack isn’t always quick and painless. It takes time to die from a terrorist’s attack. Sometimes hours, sometimes months. It’s agonizing, painful, and especially horrific to know that one of those people was the reason you had both your limbs blown off, along with your fingers, and the skin on your face and neck burnt away.”

Homeland Security is deliberating about hanging posters like the one pictured above in subway stations, on trains and buses, on billboards, and in government buildings across America. “Increased vigilance and awareness and stuff like that,” King said. “Always in a heightened state of alert.”

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