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George Bush Going on Bombing Mission in Afghanistan

December 21
01:00 2011
Dear Dirty NewswireFormer president George W Bush has announced his 2011 Christmas plans: to get strapped into an F102A fighter jet and carry out a bombing mission in Northern Afghanistan. Bush admitted he’s still getting a lot of mail from concerned citizens asking how he can send the country’s poor kids off to war while he sits comfortable in his Crawford, Texas home all these years later.

“I’m going to get cozy in my old jet and do a bomb run up there in Afghanistan. Obviously I can’t talk about the details, but our boys have been fighting in them hills up North for some time, and I asked if I could get involved,” Bush told reporters, “and they said they could use help clearing out some of the evildoers. I’m going to be doing the clearing out part.”

Bush laughed and seemed in high spirits as he talked of his Christmas Eve bombing campaign. “I haven’t been locked into a jet for some time, but I’ve been brushing up. It’s going to be a pleasure to actually get out there and support our men and women in uniform. Before now, I’ve only been golfing for the troops. I’m here to offer some real assistance.”

The former president admitted the former First Lady would miss him as he zips over the Afghanistan wasteland in his old fighter jet. “I told her she could come along, watch her husband blow up some things, but she’s going to stay home with family. She’ll be rooting for me though,” he said.

Bush said he will have some company in that jet. His co-pilot will be the now infamous jar holding Osama bin Laden’s heart. “After president Obama gave that to me, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without looking at that heart and knowing what a good job America’s done for the world.”

The former president has been hampered over his controversial history in the U.S. Air Force, and some pundits say this is his attempt to patch it up and make good on his personal military records. “A little too late,” exiled cultural philosopher Hubert Humdinger said.

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